In the future we'll all be gay
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize