Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
