i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
