Don't you send me to vm
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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