i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just pee around me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
did you just send me my own nude
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
