Yo dont text me then not text me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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