I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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