Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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