im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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