Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
