I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
