i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
