the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You can't motorboat a personality
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
