apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You're like the curious george of whores
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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