I wish my penis had an off switch
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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