If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who died my cat blue again?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
