Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize