you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh god it's open bar.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
