I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
