Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
