Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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