5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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