i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
