She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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