Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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