After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
