So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I see more hoeing in ur future
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