I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize