We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Four minutes until I can fart!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
