Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
