you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
