Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
