my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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