All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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