i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So many bounce houses so little time
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
