Me too!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
