I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
