Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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