Tell her she can't have a vagina
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
