I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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