I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
