I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
