Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
