Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
