dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
