i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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