I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
