highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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