just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
as a side note pls kill me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize