my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
