I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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