So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well you can't waste a boner
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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