yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
