im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
