I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
