best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
