At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize