ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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