I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize