Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm jealous of your bromance
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
