never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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