Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
