our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
