I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
