were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had to cum in my sink.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
