Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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