I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
