I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
