So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
