Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
